An Antartican suddenly realizes his house is on fire. He immediately dials 9-1-1. The fireman answers, “Yes may I help you?” The Antartican replies, “My house is on fire, come quick!!!” The fireman asks, “How do we get there?” The Antartican says, “Duh, big red truck!”

A newsboy was standing on the corner with a stack of papers, yelling, “Read all about it; Fifty people swindled!” Fifty people swindled! Curios, a man walked over, bought a paper, and said, “Hey kid, this is an old paper, where’s the story about the big swindle?” The newsboy ignored him and went on calling [...]

A little boy knocks at the door and tells the owner that something of his had found its way into her garage, and he wanted it back. The homeowner opened the garage and noticed two additions; a baseball and broken window sporting a baseball-sized hole. “How do you suppose this ball got in here?” she [...]

A little girl asked her mother, “Can I go outside and play with the boys?” Her mother replied, “No, you can’t play with the boys, they’re too rough.” The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, “If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?”

The factory foreman inspected the shipment of crystal vases leaving the plant, and approached his new packer. He put his arm around the man’s shoulder and said, “Well, Ole, I see you did what I asked. Stamped the top of each box, ‘This Side Up, Handle With Care.’” “Yes sir,” the worker replied. “And just [...]

A French man nearly got away with stealing a number of paintings from the Louvre. However, after planning the robbery and getting in and out and past security, he was captured only three blocks away when his Econoline ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such [...]

A pilot landed a plane with a rather bumpy landing. As part of his job he was required to stand by the terminal door and say goodbye to the passengers as they exited the airplane. He was afraid that someone might say something about his rather less than perfect landing, but everyone left without saying [...]

A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he’d found a cat, but it was dead. “How do you know that the cat was dead?” she asked her pupil. “Because I pissed in its ear and it didn’t move,” answered the child innocently. “You did WHAT?! ?” the teacher exclaimed in surprise. “You know,” explained the boy, [...]

A little boy asked his dad for a dollar to give to a little old lady in the park. His father impress by his son’s kindness, gave him the dollar. “There you are my son,” said the father. “But, tell me, isn’t the little lady able to work any more? “She sells candy” was the [...]

Men who are bald at front of their heads are good thinkers. Men who are bald at the back of their heads are good lovers. Men who are bald at front and back think they are good lovers.